Put My Fingers in My Criminal Ass

I received this very amusing, candid and thoughtful response to a letter I sent to the Taipei Times (editorial Dec. 17, "Foreigners not Welcome" or something like that). I took the guy's name out and replaced it using an XX. With Taiwan's low birthrate (second lowest in the world, I think) and one in six kids now being born to biracial or bicultural families, I wonder who's going to be welcoming whom in the future?

"Hello Patrick,
I read your article about citizenship in the Taipei Times. I truly appreciate your points of view. As a matter of fact, I am a Taiwanese, but raised elsewhere since a baby and I happen to have two wives: one Latin american wife and another Taiwanese wife. I do not have problems with both known each other since I spend 1/2 of the year in Central America andthe other half back in Taiwan. My kids were born overseas and in Taiwan. My Latin's wives kids are not Taiwanese even [though] they happened to be born in Taiwan, while my Taiwan's wife kids were born in Costa Rica and they are "Taiwanese." Then, I studied myself and I realized that I have been three people inside myself when we grow up overseas: Taiwanese – Costa Rican – American (where I studied for many years and got my PHD. In Nuclear Physics ). My American me tells me that you are definitely right and laws regarding immigration should change. My Costa Rican me tells me that Costa Rica is the best country in the world, why would we care about citizenship is Taiguan? Where's Taiguan?”My Taiwanese me tells me to shove your criminal fingers in your ass and get out of Taiwan since you are no really welcomed. Greetings, XX"

Actually, I don't give a crap whether I am welcomed or not (I think for the most part, once I get past bureaucrats, that I am). I never said I expected naked women to put grapes in my mouth either. I'm staying here because I like it here and because I want to.


Paul said...

You can take the monkey out of Taiwan, but you can't take
the Taiwan out of the monkey.

Simon said...

Do you know any American men who could pull off that 'two-wives' two continents...they both know thing? I don't.

This leads me to ask a few other questions:

1) Is the writer bi-polar?
2) Does he actually consider himself American?

Matt Doyle said...

Nice blog, Bloggers are becoming internationally renound and quite the 'voice' for the mainstream. I particularly enjoyed the tri-lateral response from the Latin American PhD and I have to say... I never wanted to be a citizen of any Asian country while I was living there. As a matter of fact, I think the most highly-regarded citizenship today is Canadian... and that applies to ANYWHERE. Also, I think the 'Taiwanese-perspective' response blatantly represents the attitude that I encountered no matter where I went in Asia-- "You don't like the way we do things here, then go back to wherever the fuck you came from".

Anonymous said...

This guy sounds like a real dick.

Rich said...

Either parent confers citizenship. Correct me if I'm wrong but Latin kids should have Taiwanese citizenship.

Patrick Cowsill said...

I don't think this guy is a "dick". I am lucky to have his insight as it fits with the theme of my blog... He made this comment:

"Before I develop my story, Merry X-mas and Happy New Year. Every time I go back to Taiwan I feel like I am living in an Apartheid era culture. My in-laws and even some family members "segregate" me for my background. Very few say positive things about my background. Most say, we live in a poor country with poor standards. I remember once when I was studying in Taiwan back in the 90's in NCTU, my teacher suddenly changed topic and said, "we have classmate from Latin America, etc....", then the next day, I noticed nobody sat next
to me in the front, back and sides. Yeah, I get pissed from time to time also. So, I only go back when my (ex?)-wife lets me see my daughter. We got separated because of money. (Taiwanese only care about face and money). I earn about USD300,000 per year in my own
business in Latin America,
and one year, my wife pissed me in the following way: "you're working hard like a pig in here and
earn in one year what you can earn in the stock market in Taiwan in one day.!" Then, she asked for
divorce for marrying a "poor" man. Yet, I still maintain her by sending USD3,000 monthly, and
she complains it is too little for a "decent" life in Taiwan. She's only 26.

The government of Taiwan, regardless of affiliation (pan-g, pan-b) is a short sighted, conservative and race-selfish government. It's more like a Japanese rather than a Chinese
style of government that
stresses the "superiority" of a certain group or nation. I already gave up my dreams of converting Taiwan into a more open society free of superstitions, stereotypes, and old days dogmas, into one that values human culture in general, with strong spiritualistic and
nationalistic values."

Patrick Cowsill said...

Yes, these Latin kids do have Taiwanese citizenship, based on their father's nationality. Even if they never show up in Taiwan and cannot speak a lick of Taiwanese, Atayal, Paiwan, Mandarin, etc., they will have citizenship. On the other hand, a person with white skin could be born here, grow up speaking a local dialect and never want to leave, but he or she will be classified as a "foreigner" by the the government and have no such privileges.